Emancipation

Live and let loose!

Love 1/2 Gone

Marriage could be a daunting experience for most people in my boat. With such high appreciation of our career progression (and to most, the target to achieve a certain financial position by a certain age), sharing your life space could be a BIG sacrifice. To compensate that, most people do end up marrying anyway, either for religious purposes or also, when the thought of ending up a alone gets scary.

Those married ones, may share their experience, and the 2 key concerns could be (1) The same 'hot' loving feeling you once had for your spouse is eliminated by thoughts of why he didn't help me with the baby, or why she does not make time to have dinner with me anymore; (2) Although during the courting period, the desire to be together all the time was overwhelming, by the fact you wake up and go to sleep with the same person day in and day out, you find that there tend to be more desire to escape each other nowadays. So how does the majority who stay married do it?

Simple... Responsibility & Commitment. Marriage is kind of like a partnership, where the partners get to decide on the terms. Some religion e.g. Islam provides for the basic outline, but even there, room is given for discussion. The idea is, when each party agrees up front on their roles and responsibility, and fulfills them, clearly, the possibility of dispute is minimised. As for commitment, TRUST is obviously an area where each parties must secure in whatever circumstances.

Question then, is whether you actually need a lot of love to start an institution of marriage. Pumpkin feels, that having love alone without responsibility and commitment may lead to an early frustration. This may be the case in the reverse as well. The point is, you don't need to love someone 100% to have a successful marriage. A partnership which is filled with responsibility and commitment will nurture and support in the imperfections. All you know it... you may even fall in love with your spouse all over again for other better reasons! That explains why arranged marriages tend to last a long time.

As simple as this may seem, people generally overlook this, as most of us rush into marriages either because you are in your prime time (as society defines it) to marry or you are just simple blinded by love. So, whether you are married or not, the next time you see/ talk to your partner... APPRECIATE them and give them ASSURANCE that you care. It matters!

X-Men

In the course of our daily lives, we will often come across 'unique' individuals with their own ways of doing things. They could be someone you've known all your lives e.g. your siblings, parents, aunties and uncles or perhaps just business associates or friends that you come across in your day-to-day dealings.

Personally, I feel each and everyone of us are unique in our own ways. However,there are 2 key points which may make certain ones exceptional: -
1. When the uniqueness run counter with the general way other people normally do it
2. When the uniqueness is something nobody else can do

Which takes me to my next question, what happens next? If you are family members of the unique individual, it won't be much of an issue. Not even if you are friends, as true friends should always accept you for who you are. I suppose, it could become an issue if you fall in love with one.

But before we dwell into that, let me start with this. This morning, when I went to pick up my car at the workshop which is about 15-20 kms away from home... I told my parents that I would take a cab. But when I walked out of my house, it just occurred to me that normally, I would walk to the workshop as I usually send my car for fixing during the weekends. The thing is, I really enjoy the walks I take as it gives me a chance to walk pass the houses of all the people I know and the schools I use to go to. And, strangely enough,I decided to put on my shades, with my court shoes and office suit (minus the jacket) and walk to the workshop. Then it just hit me... I am an X-men (for avoidance of doubt, I am however not a mutant though haha) as no one else would really want to do this. In fact, I was not even embarrassed when the passers by saw me.

Personally, I don't think anyone can appreciate someone who is exceptionally unique, unless they themselves are exceptionally unique. What an exceptionally unique relationship that could become! So, it's not really true when they say exceptionally unique individuals would be lonesome, as each of us would have had our match made in heaven. The final question then would be whether you have met the person at a time when your uniqueness could be more appreciated. Hmmm....(pondering)

When Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

I have a friend who was dating a successful lawyer, and 1 of the reasons she left him is because he was such a heavy smoker. Which made me consider, if you were absolutely head over heels over a guy who smokes... what would you do? Would you take it or leave it?

The problem with additiction is, it's beyond the control of the guy. Just like how women who are addicted to shopping, they could never live without their credit cards. So, where do you draw the line in order to meet in the middle? Honestly, I don't think that can ever happen. As it is, no matter how hard you try, you can never tell a guy what to do.

So... what happens now? Hmmm.... on this point, Pumpkin has no final conclusion to it. I suppose, couples faced with this phenomena just needs to either live with it or live without it. If I was faced with such situations, I would just ask myself "so, what's in it for me?". If he has to take time off from dinner or coffee to have a smoke... at the expense of my time with him, hmm... no way! I'll prefer to smoke it out. But later on... who knows. The smoke might get in my eyes after all, because when love is fresh, it makes you blind. When the love matures... tendency of seeing the bad habits of your partner clearly is more highly likely.

Contentment

It's suppose to be a holiday for us today, but we had to come back to work due to the call for duty. Thanks to our boss, we had a grand lunch out of 4 large boxes of a variety of pizzas, a big bottle of coke and sprite.

I'm about 3/4 through from finishing my task (or so I think) and all I can think of is I'm still hungry. Hmmm.... This makes me consider an aspect of our human life. When we are 'fed' with so many goodness... whether in the form of material or otherwise, and we don't pay so much attention to it (in my case, I ate the pizza whilst working on my task), we don't digest them very well. Hence, the hunger for other things if not more of the same.

Remember the story about the skinny rich guy who blamed the fat poor guy who stole all the nourishment from the smell of the good food? Well, maybe he didn't realise that because he was so occupied by what the poor guy was gaining, that he was not focussed on his own wealth. So being thankful of what you have does have any impact on your weight. Hmmm... not really the point I am trying to get at.

Well, back to the task and a few more pieces of pizza! And guess what? Might even be having Italian tonight! Bon Appetito! (In case you're wondering, that seriously was not Italian haha)

The Backwards

Habitually, when you love someone, you tend to do the same things over and over again for them... with emphasis on what they prefer. Eventually, when you do it too often, the person stops to appreciate it and sometimes get annoyed. From time to time, we need go BACKWARDS to reassess the effect of our mode of expression in order to move forward with a better strategy. Relationships... not just with your lovers, but also with your friends, family and colleagues need to be REFRESHED.

Sometimes, when we take the step BACKWARDS, you find them moving FORWARD towards you. Is it because they miss the old habits? Or perhaps wonder why we stopped doing what we did?

Sometimes, when we turn to look BACKWARDS, we could also see who are the friends and foes behind us. You should never trust anyone except for your family and of course your loved ones.

Sometimes, it is good to fall BACKWARDS when we enjoy too much success that we forget ourselves, so we remember where our roots were from.

An advice my dad gave me once was, at times in our lives, we need to move 1 step BACKWARDS to move 4 steps FORWARD. Try it, and you'll know what it means for yourself.

Read Me

Do you like reading? Before you say yay or nay, you have a couple of options: -
(a) of books
(b) of minds
(c) of persons

The typical answer for (a) would be... of course! But evidence of it would be dependant on the number of books you read and in how much time. Whereas, the evidence of reading (b) and (c) could be a bit more trickier. Whatever it is, we all would have our own style of approaching it. Either back to front, front to back, speed through, once or thrice... such variety! And yes, some people do have the ability to read a person from the back to front.

I suppose it could get quite subjective. "Back" to me would mean trashing out on the nasty aspects of the person or perhaps the "history". It could also mean looking deep into the inner aspects of the person or simply put "the Heart". Whereas, "Front" refers to the more superficial aspects... the looks, the way they interact with other people.

So, if you were dating someone, how would you like them to be? If they studied u from "Front" to "Back", they might stop at Chapter 1 if you don't turn out to be the good looking or outgoing kind of person (or vice versa). If they studied you from the "Back" to "Front" if you were an introvert, you might feel a bit uneasy. Whereas, an extrovert might find that comforting, as it just makes it easy to get along. Whatever it is, it's easy when each "Readers" know their own style so they are careful not to hurt the other party. That's where you hear couples complaining "She just doesn't read between the lines" or "Why does he not give me flowers on my birthday, when I actually love suprises!".

So the next time someone tells you to read him/ her, do expect that they have started reading you! Do not fret, coz who knows, you might think he is a "Business Week" kind of guy, and might turn out to be prince charming in "Cinderella" (nb. Pumpkin turns into Cinderella after midnight haha).

Space

As human beings, in our effort of achieving the targets we've set, we tend to forget the need for us to have The Space for us to empower/ replenish our souls. Here, I am not referring to courses on how to become an effective leader and what not. Just time to do all our favourite things like going to see life bands, doing our hair and going to the spa.

Key problem is when you don't have the 'gang' for it. Most people will find though, that despite the fact that they are married and all, because of the level of work commitment required of each of us, we all tend to end up being single some how. Which takes us to another aspect of it... being single/ doing things on your own is actually not so bad after all. Of course, you feel a bit awkward the 1st couple of times... but when you go watch a theatre alone or maybe spend that 2 hours at Starbucks sipping the good cup of coffee over reading a good book... it all points to one thing. That you are comfortable with yourself.

Have you ever heard the saying... "You Need To Love Yourself First, Before You Can Love Somebody Else"? So Men and Women out there! Please do make space for yourself. But, please bear in mind that anything excessive is not good... you should give yourself space, but not too much and vice versa. And you never know, when you start things off on your own.. you might actually make a new friend who loves doing the same things as you do .

CHANGE

"They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom. ~Confucius"

In case you all are wondering, I was meddling with the settings of my blog when I accidently (1) locked the access (2) deleted the blog. Backed by popularly demand from 1-2 regular readers, the Pumpkin has made her comeback. Confucious' philosophy above came to mind when I was struggling through the emotion I felt when this happened.

Imagine if something went really wrong, and you had to change the way you do things. Imagine if someone you care about asked you to change the way you do certain things. Imagine if things have been great all these years, and suddenly it changes. How would you deal with those changes?

About 2 years ago, a disaster happened in my life that I was never prepared for. Being a disaster, like others, I sought God's help in dealing with the entailing pain and suffering, picked myself up and went on with my life. And now, when the total opposite occurs, I still say that I was not prepared for it! SIGH. As human beings, we have a tendency of not being mentally prepared for anything! The truth is, we are made to adjust and to cope with all the changes surrounding is.

My take on Confucious' saying is.... if we continously change (for the better), we should experience happiness and wisdom as we go along. Moral of the story - I accidently deleted my blog so I could come back with a better picture of a Pumpkin =o)